This is a story from my past, probably the darkest one but this experience made me realize how strong I am and made me trust my intuition more. I write this for all the girls who might be in dangerous relationships , suffer violence from their partner and think that it might be ok. It is not! Get out! Be strong!
I was 17 and a half when I met him. He was 10 years older than me and in my eyes he looked interesting and pretended to be nice. The funny part is that some of them are so stupid that they can not cover their dark side for too long. He actually revealed it pretty fast but I did not listen to myself as I was caught by feelings and dreams.
I remember we were on our first date and when I looked in his eyes I felt that something is wrong. A voice from within told me ” He is crazy! ” . The eyes are the window of the soul but I thought I am mistaken. I wasn’t! I can actually tell , now, if a person has a tendency to be mentally unstable.
He became soon extremely possessive. I wasn’t allowed even to say hi to my friends, especially if they were boys or I had to be careful where I look when I walk down the street because if it happen to be a boy in that direction he would become extremely furious. He even tried to convince me not to go to college but I did went and when I was there he would call me frequently to make sure I’m not going out and he would ask me what’s on TV on different channels to make sure I’m in.
I knew all of that was wrong so I needed to get out. I knew that when I will tell him that I want to break up he might react crazy but I had to do it. I had to be strong or my life will become miserable. It was March . I arrived in my home town from college and I met with him out to tell him that it is better to break up. I remember we were walking and talking. He told me that I want to break up because I have someone else and this thought was about to stay with him for a while. He waited until we got to a less crowded place and when I was not paying attention he hit me. He slapped me over my face with anger but like a coward. I turned furious toward him screaming and I started to hit him back while I was crying. I rushed my step to get home but he was near me threatening on me to beat me, to kill me, to burn my house. I was not responding to his threatening at all. He thought that if he will make me afraid I will get back with him but once I said NO than NO it is.
He got crazy! In a minute he was threatening me and in another he would cry and say he loves me and he wants me back! Especially now after he put his hand on me?! No freaking way!
The nightmare started!
He was stalking me every single day! He was threatening all my friends to beat them and harm them if he will see them around me!
He thought that if I will be alone with no one to defend me I will go back with him. He was wrong! I was more furious and determined than never!
He wants to play the crazy game? I will show him the crazy game because there is nothing more crazy than a crazy woman.
He threatened to harm my family and to burn my house. One day he tried to strangulate me on the street, another day he threatened me with a big knife . He was convinced I was cheating on him and for this I deserve him to cut my leg. In that moment I said to myself : “It is me or him!” . Fortunately I managed to calm down the situation. I pretended that I love him until he put the knife down but if he was about to pick it up again I knew it was going to get ugly and that if I would have the chance I would freaking stab him! I was mad and ready to fight for my life! I got home safely that day! I wiped my tears before I got in the house and put a smile on my face. I did not want to worry my family. It was my mistake and my fight I was thinking but I must advice you that this is not always a good idea . That was my choice at that point. Each time I would get out of the house to buy bread or run errands he was behind me. I remember one day I had a bag with apples and one bread in my hands and as soon as he got close to me I started to hit him with what I had and scream like a crazy person than pretending calm. I had to make him think that he is messing with a crazy person. Other day I stuck my nails in his face and hit him with my purse. I was not going to give up! One day though, it was my name birthday, he pretended that he wants peace and he got closer to me to give me a last hug , but again like a coward, because who hits someone weaker than them when they don’t expect it, he hit me really hard with both his hands. I felt a big pain and an echo in my head. Because of that hit I have problems with my jaw bone. It took me few seconds to realize what happened and I jumped on him like a wild animal , pushed him in a wall and started to punch him in the stomach while screaming of anger . He pushed me aside and he ran away. Can you believe it girls? He ran away! Fortunately and thanks God I did not have any knife or weapon on me or glass, anything, because I would have killed him right then!
You will wonder probably why I did not called the police? Do you have any idea how many people called the police about him but he somehow got away? In Romania is harder to put someone in jail that fast, spend money in court and with a good lawyer, plus I had other fears. I was not afraid for me as I was about my family and I was young too, 19 at this point, so I thought this is how I should solve it.
I do advice you to seek help, to go to police or to anyone who might help! Things can get worse sometimes so don’t risk it! I was lucky to solve it by myself!
This torture lasted 4 months. I lost lots of weight and I was very stressed but I was not going to give up. Somehow this power of mine was turning him on. This torture became pleasure for him.
He came to threaten me again! I was on the street and there were people around. I told him ” Go on, hit me! Do it now! This is what I want! To have witnesses and put you in jail! ” He looked at me with his crazy eyes and walked away. His power was fading but mine I was growing although I was so tired but I had to continue until I knew he would give up.
It was a long struggle but finally he gave up. The summer came and I left to visit my mother and brother in Spain. I needed to recover and I was hoping that when I will be back I will not see him. Fortunately he left the country and I did not saw him again but even today I have nightmares . I have nightmares that I will have to face him again and the person I fear most is not him but myself as this time self-control might not be my best friend because I never let go of that anger I had and this anger comes back each time I hear at news about domestic violence or that some guy hit his girlfriend. I just want to go there and beat the shit out of them so they will see how it feels.
Girls , do not ever accept such a thing because this is not love! That is a weak man who feels strong only when he controls someone weaker! That is a sick, crazy person who also needs help but you are not his savior you are just his victim!
The victim of a miserable person!
Pay attention to the signs as this person can look like a very nice, charming one but they can’t control themselves too long. In the beginning they will have small anger acts with going back to calm right away as they don’t want to scare you off, most of them show off about how they hit their ex girlfriend but it was all her fault and I know you will think that’s not your case but you are wrong!
It starts at first with paranoid jealousy , extreme possessive acts, they will try to isolate you from friends and family and if you are in love you might accept all of this but I hope you will open your eyes soon enough.
If he touched you once, that’s enough! No forgiveness at all or you will suffer more than you think!
I wish you strength to overcome what ever is not right in your life and remember that you deserve what it is best . If a guy says that he loves you but at the same time he put you through hell you should be aware that he doesn’t mean it. It is just an obsession!
photo source: http://www.tipsofdivorce.com